love happens.

love happens.

brielle loves you.

if you have read any of this [Wed, Oct 28, 2009 ; 3:53am]

yes, i realize how incredibly stupid i sound. i've had a really hard time with this.
there's really not anything else to say.
i try not to cry about it because that makes it feel more real.
and i'd rather pretend that i feel nothing.

so i finally know what it feels like [Sat, Oct 17, 2009 ; 8:57pm]

to have your heart broken. the big secret was never you and me, it was all my feelings for you, and how i know you felt them back. today i thought about the first day i got the keys to my apartment and how you were the first person that i brought there. and how you ran around plugging in all of my flower air fresheners and then we sat on the floor against my mirror, i was in your lap facing you and that was the first time in my apartment; i remember being so excited because we could finally see eachother somewhere besides your car. and then i thought about the time you came over before thanksgiving break last year and you read my letter out loud and i chased you around my apartment wrestling you on my bed for it, and before you left you told me i was your bestfriend and if i wasn't in your life that you would be miserable. i will always remember loving you so much, the feelings you gave me were like nothing i ever knew before you; i wonder if that will ever go away. before you left on friday i wanted to tell you that as long as you're happy then i'm happy for you.

good enough [Mon, Oct 05, 2009 ; 12:22am]

for the longest time i've said that i want to run away.
but now i just feel like disappearing.

[Wed, Sep 09, 2009 ; 12:41am]

i want to run away.
i want to be a happy girl again.
i want to smile and laugh and not care.
i've cared so much for so long, now you can do it.

[Fri, Aug 28, 2009 ; 3:50pm]

guys make me fucking sick all of them. every last fucking one.

i'm so fucking sick and tired [Sun, Aug 23, 2009 ; 6:00pm]

of small talk conversation.
it bores me to death.
just shut the fuck up, learn how to talk to me or leave me alone.

changes. [Fri, Aug 21, 2009 ; 12:26am]

i want to change everything. and i don't care what it takes.
i want different things.
i need that to happen for me. i really need something to work out for me.
although some things have worked out in my favor lately so i'm not complaining.
me, liz, and kenny hung out tonight. i really love them both. liz because she makes me laugh so much, all we do is laugh. and kenny because he is real. and we can have conversations that i can't have with other guys, he knows so much and he can actually be mature about it. i really love being around them both.
i'm glad i have great friends.

i start UCF on monday...i'm not excited at all. i'm taking all online classes and just trying to get it done. my teaching english as a second language class will be a bitch. i've heard its a lot of work. i never thought in a million years that i'd become a teacher. but i guess life is like that sometimes, unexpected things happen. i applied for a job as an office assistant for mainland, i need that job.

my life is going to change soon for the better, and i'm excited for it to happen. you know whats so funny, that i used to whine and bitch about how shitty john treated me in this stupid ass journal. and then one day when he just mysteriously fell back "in love" with me he found this and read it all. i wonder if anything like that will happen again.

if it does then you know who you are; you are a dick for stringing me along for so damn long. if you're never going to love me, or decide to stop thinking about what it would be like if we were together and actually be with me then please just tell me, so i can move on with my life and be happy with someone else. i promise all i need is the words.

♥comment

believe me if i say. [Fri, Aug 14, 2009 ; 9:59pm]

please be with me, because five years later i'm still completely in love with you.

see me happy. [Wed, Jul 29, 2009 ; 11:49pm]

i hate everything i write in here. i want someone to tell me that i am lucky.

[Tue, Jul 21, 2009 ; 8:48am]

i hate pretending and i don't know how i've done it for so long.
i hate that this means so much to me.

[Wed, Jul 08, 2009 ; 2:06am]

nothing ever really changes.
but things are about to start changing.
i p r o m i s e.

2004. [Mon, Jun 22, 2009 ; 10:17pm]

i miss 2004. i miss being so confused on all the simple things. i miss when the biggest problem was how to wear a tampon and what i was going to wear to the first day of high school. i miss high school. i miss bitching for 30 minutes every morning before going to school. i miss my family, my grandparents, ashley, amber and me. we had the best times, and i am truly blessed that i got to grow through the hardest years with the best girls, that are like sisters to me. i miss things when they weren't so serious. lately i feel like all i'm doing is running out of time, but something just tells me all i need to do is run away.

please. [Sun, Jun 21, 2009 ; 1:37am]

if i could have one thing it would be for you to know how i feel when i think of how much time keeps slipping through our hands. i want you to know how i feel when i think of your life continuing with her, and ending with me. it hurts me, so much to think about you not in my life. i just wish you would give me the chance to show you that you don't belong with her. maybe i'm just being selfish because i love you, but i swear that i would never say these things if i didn't feel like they were true. i just need one chance.

tell me you love me. [Sun, Jun 14, 2009 ; 8:59pm]

love can be really sad sometimes. i don't think ive left my bed since friday night. all ive been doing is sleeping all day and all night but even when i sleep it doesnt help at all.

see you next tuesday. [Tue, Jun 09, 2009 ; 9:50pm]

its tuesday and i think i'm going crazy.

hypothetically. [Sat, May 30, 2009 ; 10:44pm]

and the wonder of it all is that you just don't realize how much i love you.

to answer the question if things were different and we ended up together, of course i would marry you. no questions asked. but in reality you aren't with me, you're with her. so i just don't let myself think of what it would be like if we were together.

i wish [Wed, May 27, 2009 ; 10:41pm]

i had clever artsy ideas. too bad i don't and too bad my life story is boring.
today was my first day with my trainer and he kicked my ass.
it was fun though.
if i miss one thing more than anything its gymnastics. i loved it so much.
probably more than people love their stupid gfs. literally haha.
anyway i just got 100 on my trig quiz. and im so happy this is the first time ive ever done well in math! duh becuase its online and i hate going to class.
im rambling on.
and i think the mail guy from work is cute :)

[Thu, May 21, 2009 ; 12:47pm]

and it can end just like that.
it seems to happen that way OCCASIONALLY.
fuck you.

goodbye gossip girl. [Wed, May 20, 2009 ; 12:06am]

the season finale was monday.
no matter how many times i say it this will never be my ending.

♥comment

i forgot. [Tue, May 19, 2009 ; 9:11pm]

everytime i'm close to you there's too much i can't say.
and you just walk away.

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